yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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