This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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