I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
