I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
