she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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