fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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