been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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