It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
