end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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