What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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