low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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