I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
