I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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