come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
