I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
