His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
