I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
