I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
