I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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