I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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