May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
