Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He better not be in your backpack
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
