Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
