I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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