everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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