Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
