nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
