First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
