So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
