I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
