This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
