ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
