if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
MIDGETS
????
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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