if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
