dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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