Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
