I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
