I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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