Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
PANTIES FOUND
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
