I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
