I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
