soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
