I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
