whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
