none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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