Its about making memories worth repressing
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
