Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.