I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
