HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dating After Heartbreak
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..