I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
