wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high