Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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