I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
