Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
