I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
