It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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