Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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