i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
