I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
