i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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