I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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