just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
