I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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