I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
