Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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